Lately ive been strikes with so many insecurities. Whether it is about my skin, personality or academic. It comes like a wave. I feel like i am not good enough. I rarely compare myself to others but this time, i did. I feel downgraded. Funnily enough, i am the one who did that. Ive always think that i am pretty. Not gorgeous but i would say, an okay. Cute. Maybe? Ive always confident in my appearance. My flawed skin. My tanned complexion. It never bothered me all this time but now. Ive got this tiny bumps on my forehead, and big acne that leaves a scar on my face. Its agitating 😂 and i am a mess to have a strict skincare routine. So the problems kinda continue to happen.  Academic wise, i know i am not as smart as i used to be. 😅 and i am slowly accepting it. But lately ive got this super anxious feeling. Major breakdown... comparing how stupid i am than anyone else. And annoyingly i didnt set up a study plan to tackle this problem. It feels like im losing hope. I saw my pictures in

In need of a pause

Its exam season. 3 weeks of exam. And i would say, I cant breath. Since last week... life has been moving at fast pace. One task to another. Sometimes 2 to 3 task in a moment. I just couldnt find time for myself. Not anymore. With the volunteering work we did on weekend... i feel like i have not getting any break at all. School tires me a lot. During the 5-7pm class, i can feel myself having the dizziness and about to fall. By the time im getting home, its already dark. And i seem to not have done anything useful as i feel tired and overwhelmed.   I didnt cook for so long. I didnt care if i ate dinner or not. All i know is.. i want to sleep and refresh myself. But it does not seems like the case. When i wake up in the morning, i dont feel refresh or anything. But i feel rushed. To prepare to school. Completing assignments and studies i didnt do because of yesterday's tiredness.  I did try to wake up early. At 5am. Since i sleep early, i thought its going to be okay. But...... the t

Had enough

Its scary and funny how things change. It breaks my heart so fcking much. With tears streaming down my face, you dont really care I guess this is it. Fading. Its here.


I thought it us against the world.. Maybe... I'm wrong.


Assalamualaikum. Hello. Its day 5 in Malaysia. I am now sipping my Wonda Coffee and just ate a tasty roti telur. Having breakfast alone make me realize how i have grown into a mature (& lonely) young lady. But its okay. I'm totally fine with it. Gotta get used to the loneliness. So yeah. The story...  This morning I sent Imani off for her UPSR. Hug and gave her kisses when she walked in line to enter the hall. It was scary 😭 i was so scared for her. Yeah sure, I faced this like 9 years ago. When I was 12. As a student. But the fear is different this time.  I look at other parents who were waiting for their beloved child. They had this hopeful yet scarred look in their face. Some of them even shed tears that running on their cheeks. Idk what to feel. But all i know is, I really hope Imani in a good shape. Calm and okay? Yeap hopefully. So after she went to the hall, i go to surau to read yaasin with other parents. It was okay. The imaam (also on of the parent) said something th

The mistakes I made in 1st year of Dental School

Hi everyone. As you guys know, I'm currently in the midst of final exam. I got 4 practical left, and thats it, I'm done with first year yayyy💐 haha to freaking 4 years more. So as the year comes to its end, I realize a lot of thing that I wish I knew earlier (in simple term: regret) here i'm talking about my study routine specifically. To not do the same silly mistakes again, I will list out what I think I should do sooner; 1. Do final past year questions paper. Soooner! The final, and exam questions are mostly from past papers. So help yourself. Get it at the library. Prepare the question in a specific book so that when the final come, you just can simply grab that book and see the faq and how to answer it. It will be really helpful if you start during the 1st term itself. Now that you cramming and doing all that questions 20 days before exam, its not as efficient. Do 2 marks! A lot of it. It contributes easy 40 marks in your theory paper. 2. Take no

Breaking down

Have been off meds for 5 days now. Idk what I'm feeling now. Sad? For no particular reason? This feeling is so familiar and I'm scared. So scared. Scared and sad, what can beat that? Tomorrow is molecular medicine theory paper. Its 2 pm and i have about 20 hours left?  I hope this feeling will fade soon.  I cant bear to feel like this for the whole day. Help.