Insecurities

Lately ive been strikes with so many insecurities. Whether it is about my skin, personality or academic. It comes like a wave.

I feel like i am not good enough. I rarely compare myself to others but this time, i did. I feel downgraded. Funnily enough, i am the one who did that.

Ive always think that i am pretty. Not gorgeous but i would say, an okay. Cute. Maybe? Ive always confident in my appearance. My flawed skin. My tanned complexion. It never bothered me all this time but now. Ive got this tiny bumps on my forehead, and big acne that leaves a scar on my face. Its agitating 😂 and i am a mess to have a strict skincare routine. So the problems kinda continue to happen. 

Academic wise, i know i am not as smart as i used to be. 😅 and i am slowly accepting it. But lately ive got this super anxious feeling. Major breakdown... comparing how stupid i am than anyone else. And annoyingly i didnt set up a study plan to tackle this problem. It feels like im losing hope.

I saw my pictures in 2017 the other day. And im feeling sad. I looked so happy in that picture and i know... i was happier. That time i have so much faith in everything. I live with no worries, thinking everythings gonna turn out well. I am so motivated.... to live. 

This day.. lol. I dont have that much hope anymore. Reality hits me like a truck. Things are harder now. Problems are everywhere. I tried. You know? To make a lemonade juice when life gives me lemon. But it turns out the lemonade juice is still to sour. Worse,it gives you acidic stomach ulcer that is so so bad for your health. While im writing this, i would say that i am in a place that is way better than where i used to be.  I used to be so lost.... that i didnt respond to anything. I am glad that light slowly shines my way. 

They said, you can ask for a new soul. I am asking that. Tho i didnt ask for much nowadays (disappointment after dissapointment makes me stop requesting for things) i think, i would love to have a new soul. Please pray for me. 

Xx,

AN