Home- Day 1

Assalamualaikum :)

How fake is the emoji right there. Huhu. I dont feel like smiling at all right now. This angry+sad feelings are so overwhelming. 

Today is basically fine. Ayah ibu picked me up at the airport. Have a lil chit chat with hanis and kakak. Unpacked and settle down. Almost finish the whole chapter of cementum. Have murtabak and coconut shake for iftar.

It was perfect. Until i figured out something. The people i love..... self-harm. Its really a big deal for me. I feel bad. Not sure because of what; maybe (1) i'm not there for her that she chose to cut (2) instead of her, i wish it was me that has the courage. To hurt and punish myself for the mistakes I did. 

We are both stupid. Wishing the physical pain that we create can heal the emotional pain that we hide. Maybe by doing so we will find peace. Maybe if the pain is visible, people will see how much we hurt and we eventually didnt hate ourselves that much. 

its hard for me to advice her not to repeat the same thing. I feel like a hypocrite if I ask her to do so while the truth is I'm very tempted to do the same thing.

Its hard to explain this to people that doesn't experience this. You guys wont get it. 

Fck it.